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2018.11.26.

Cherophobia

How can I explain you what is like to be afraid of being happy,
If not even my friends understood that?
They tell me to keep calm when I need to,
They bring me some hot milk and blankets
And it's right when they're talking to me
That I'd want to scream: 'Thank you all, you can go now',
But I stay here
Watching a film
 
How can I explain you how patient I am?
Problem is I can't live without
Something that can oppress me,
That makes me realise that one day this life will be over,
Because my brain is really made of thorns1
And my heart is like a flower
In that it still believes in good
And doesn't know that its petals will fall off all at once,
In that moment it will want to just explode,
It will yell at me: 'Stop loving'
 
This is my cherophobia,
No, it's not negativity,
This is my cherophobia,
Happiness scares me,
But, you, stay here
 
How can I explain it, if no one understands you,
If nothing affects you,
Total indifference
For the astral form of evil,
We've built a special relationship
And I try to tell this in every song of mine
 
But people always think I'm talking about someone else:
'You're so pretty, you've got such a baby face, such a child voice...',
But that child grew up too fast
Between the walls of her bedroom
Where she started not feeling safe2
And everytime things work out,
I think I don't have the energy to bear it
 
And I look for every form of pain
Mixed with sweat and blood
And I feel like I can't breathe anymore,
Feel like my anxiety is getting stronger and stronger,
Let me out of this bloody room
 
This is my cherophobia,
No, it's not negativity,
This is my cherophobia,
Happiness scares me,
But, you, stay here
 
Tell you we'll be together,
Tell you we'll be fine,
Tell you this is how it's going to go,
Tell you we'll be together,
Tell you: 'I won't be fine'
 
My anxiety is coming at me
 
  • 1. Tricky line here. You can also interpret 'strafatto' with 'very high' as in on drugs, but both options don't make any sense to me.
  • 2. 'stare stretto' literally means 'be tight', but it's also used to say that something isn't for you and doesn't suit you.