A keresés eredménye

At Thirty

If I am lucky enough
I’ve already muddled through a third of life.
Easily squandered time
ruthlessly leaving traces
in the bottom of my heart, on my body
leaving behind its most equitable shape.
 
Being forced to accumulate memories,
it’s not a question of whether or not I consent.
It’s good and bad together
fighting to be acknowledged in my mind.
To be calculated against, to be doubted
In the dead of night, these keep me awake.
 
I haven’t figured out, how in a blink of eye it’s my turn,
Please bear it on your own
The coldness of this world, the beasts inside one’s heart.
I chased time, looking back I realize
it’s time that’s been chasing me.
Please take care of your self, live your life well.
But the life I’ve yet to live, how can I know how to live it?
 
Most afraid of making the wrong decision,
At the wrong cross paths, taking a wrong turn and missing meeting you.
Missing meeting you by inches is like the landscape
Those left by my side, might they be fate?
Being hurt, hurting others
Who can help who solve this complex question?
 
Don’t have the right to make mistakes
How many disasters created from frivolous ignorant mouths
In crowds pushing and shoving
in different faces tossing, turning, and floating.
Being washed clean, being sanded flat,
learning to give up time is moving forward.
 
I haven’t figured out, how in a blink of eye it’s my turn,
Please bear it on your own
The coldness of this world, the beasts inside one’s heart.
I chased time, looking back I realize
it’s time that’s been chasing me.
Please take care of your self, live your life well.
But the life I’ve yet to live, how can I know how to live it?
 
In the middle of the night asking myself
In the middle of the night asking myself
 
It’s not a secret.
Other people’s paths always seem more clear
at the end there’s only oneself
One’s own decisions, one’s own emotions, one’s own breath
“No escaping, no doubting”
In the middle of the night, I tell myself.
In the middle of the night, I tell myself.