A keresés eredménye

100606 / For the dirty

came to earth so white
pure, with a smile on an innocent face
open, trusting
ignorant, dumb
they burned its wings, took it all away from it
right from the start beat it to the ground
then that same kid turns out to be a bad kid
'What's with it for it to be like that?
Should it be put in an institution?
Yeah! We'll help it!'
well who the fuck will help you?
evil was apparently committed in a previous life
drugs as a concern, drug death
substances silence the counterarguments, I'm so dirty
 
this is for us dirty, it's in your head
wash yourself clean because it's in your head
this is for us dirty, it's in your head
wash yourself clean because it's in your head
 
the environment screams:
'Buy or you're shit!
Without that you can't get this!
And without this you can't get it!
Buybuybuybuybuybuy!'
fuck no I won't buy
I can't take this same old shit anymore
same old patterns, I'll drink myself stupid
but that doesn't work anymore either
that's why we extend to illicit drugs
and from them let's pick a fitting, motivating alternative
or you can of course use everything mixed
and be completely out of your mind
be without being, move without moving
drop out
the dirty ones wipe themselves out of here
what might be the matter with them?
 
this is for us dirty, it's in your head
wash yourself clean because it's in your head
this is for us dirty, it's in your head
wash yourself clean because it's in your head
 
wash yourself bloody like a rape victim in the shower
bloody syringes reminding of us
but that dirt doesn't come off by washing
symptoms being treated, problems hidden
'Let's give them clean needles and they will get by!
And if they don't, so fucking what?
At least they'll die off from burdening us.'
they tried to paint me black
but it doesn't stick anymore, I'm pure again
I'm not dirty after all
you are
and you will be until you understand
and become clean
become clean again
 
this is for you dirty, it's in your head
wash yourself clean because it's in your head
this is for you dirty, it's in your head
wash yourself clean because it's in your head
 

120107 (on a study trip)

I've never enjoyed myself in any fucking lockers, I didn't know what it was but something about strict limits gets me nervious
You are this and you are that and not that many question their locker, because without one you don't have a place
Tabula rasa, fucking take a pile of pills! Lost, in safety I grow over the limits, no more small minded people. I can't fit there. It's shit.
You tell me you're lost and a worse snitch comes to mock, to laugh at your broken pieces, fuck I first thought I'll kill him there and then. I notices that I looked at myself before, and I realized that this dude understands fucking nothing. Fucking schoolyard bullies, I'm not good enough for you. In this cold air there's no space to grow.
 
It would be nice to hurt someone who hurts others, but I swore I wouldn't hurt anymore. You see that everything is not ok, you should open your arms and not hurt anymore. He who loses himself finds himself. It's always easy to point, satan, but you seem to be on a study trip too.
 
I remember when I first found a conscience. What are these bitching feelings? I thought I was gay. 'What the fuck do you care about those, you beat them like before, or are you a bitch?' We've gotten here from those times, I remember getting wasted in the park, some stayed to do drugs like some macho men. I ran away from home, when I came back I realized it was never my home. I look at a grown up little kid, if I had stayed I'd be there. Broken, put together from pieces, bloody and sweaty from growing pains. It's so simple but hard to understand, to dig from under the shitty feeling. You would support me when I break, I'd support you when you break, and we would be just fine
 
It would be nice to hurt someone who hurts others, but I swore I wouldn't hurt anymore. You see that everything is not ok, you should open your arms and not hurt anymore. He who loses himself finds himself. It's always easy to point, satan, but you seem to be on a study trip too.
 
From weakness we travel to strength, from strength to sickness. Matti is worried, asking if it's normal, scared. Normal is an average value, Matti, Do you want to be average, Matti? To be good enough for others when you're not even good enough for others, to not judge anybody, it could be you. So many times I've had to hold on to the bed so that I wouldn't jump from the balcony into hell. I pay for the trauma I've caused, I don't even dare to go to the class meetings. Not even mentioning the little princesses that I ruined on the way. Some higher power could throw into my brain some storms, after them I'll be happy that I'm even standing up, I'll hug the homeless and stop bullying gays, give empathy to junkies, people pushed down, people opressed.
 
It would be nice to hurt someone who hurts others, but I swore I wouldn't hurt anymore. You see that everything is not ok, you should open your arms and not hurt anymore. He who loses himself finds himself. It's always easy to point, satan, but you seem to be on a study trip too.