A keresés eredménye

Evening Child

There’s nothing in my fridge except for some tea, and my medicine.
With each pill swallowed, I grow more agitated as anxiety takes over me.
 
There isn’t a single thing that’s clean here– not my fingertips, leaving grimy marks on my phone screen,
And certainly not my greasy, sticky hair. Then again, that’s nothing new.
 
I’ve only just noticed how my scarred wrist,
courtesy of those times that I gave in to my longing for death,
is now covered in dirty brown streaks.
With my eyes tightly shut,
of course I wouldn’t be able to tell
when the morning light trickles in through the gaps in the curtain.
 
There’s my friends, Eri and Takayuki, but honestly, they seem too busy to have time
to worry about other’s problems, so yeah.
Anyway, what’s the point of me faking all these smiles? It’s not like there’s a single thing to be proud of
when it comes to my nondescript family or my nondescript life.
 
I’m so sleepy, so very sleepy.
If only I could fall into an eternal sleep, just like this…
I’d gladly get up to take a bite of that poisoned apple.
Let’s say that I climb onto the balcony,
teetering a little, to make it look as if I’m not quite aware of what I’m doing.
Still, there’s no way can jump down, even if there is a strong wind blowing.
 
Why is it that even that comedy show I used to love so much
and the music that changed my life
are now invalidating my very existence?
 
I’ve only just noticed how my scarred wrist,
courtesy of those times that I gave in to my longing for death,
is now covered in dirty brown streaks.
With my eyes tightly shut,
how would I be able to tell
when the morning light trickles in through the gaps in the curtain?
 
Try as I might to despair the prospect of such agonizing days continuing without reprieve,
it’s not like any of my pains will subside.
There’s no possible way for them to subside.
I might as well just vanish from this world.
Yes, I’m going to vanish from this world