A keresés eredménye

Fixer

I can’t sleep until I’ve erased all of my memory up until today
It’s unbearable, how much I wish for a substitute to live my life for me from tomorrow on
Let me say that everything’ll be okay. And then, won’t you let me blame it all on you later?
Since everything’s meaningless now, won’t you let me blame it all on you later?
 
I can’t make any sense, can’t do anything about the promises I can’t fulfill, at the expense of letting my brain be taken over
By each and every single of the words that are flooding my mind
I can’t see. I want to flee. I want to jump. I want to quit. I can’t avoid it
 
That’s why
Just let me sink
Until I can’t crawl up anymore
Until you’re sick of it
Just drop me
Until you dangle salvation before me
 
I crush to bits the drops tasting of lies, altogether with the screams blocked out of my throat
Having a hard time keeping a smile, I’m just whiling away my time as I go along with this know-it-all pretense.
I didn’t want to turn out like this
 
Today, I’m holding on to my sleepy, sleepy ideal of becoming useful for once, while waiting to be saved
For the first one, say it with my mouth stretched to the ears
Biting my lips hard and painful with all the strength I find in me
 
Just die, just do it
Without a care for the future or past. If I hate it,
Just destroy everything
Might as well just turn into a perpetrator.
 
Just sing the next one already, before I have to spit out
This flavorless irritation that’s more than I can eat and sadness from which nothing ever comes
 
I might as well
Just dance the dance
Let it ring out, before I completely turn an ashen color
Just change, just change
Until I can fall asleep
 
I might as well
Just snatch it away, snatch it away,
Exposing all the lies I’ve tamed
I’ve been looking at a false image that flitted through my feverish mind
 
I’ve been looking at my own self
 

Terminal

The breath that now buried under the snow
It was grey
I avoid swinging to those boring feelings
and was wiping them out
 
The image of you is now hazy in my head
I fixed that
The voice that I’m spitting out
clogged my throat one day
 
'It's a promise' 'One of these days'
or something like that, I was dodging it
The sound of you that I've buried inside
stings me who is unable to sleep at dawn
 
I suffered an unexpected defeat from a childish love
One by one it will blur
I’ve grown to wish for the end of the world once again
surely, surely, surely,
Just kill me
 
Despite there's no table of contents nor an afterword
I removed the bookmark
The fist that I clenched
wriggled like that of a heart
 
The reason I was agitated at that time was all because of you
It’s just still the same, a completely ordinary sunset
 
As if it’s mocking me,
the setting sun that continues to shine won’t fall
It illuminated our worried face
More, properly, burn it into memory
 
I became an imperfect circle and unable to move forward
I want to talk more, I want to stay at loss
Even if I can’t forgive today that has no choice but to make me exhausted again
Please, please
Don’t look away from me
 
How much more
days that I have to use up
Pretending to be disappointed
I don’t need anything
 
Your words
annoyed me
Don’t call my name
Now, don’t leave me behind